Archive for the 'Journaling' Category

Journal 11.14

We are going to be fighting again, I can feel it. I can feel it rumble beneath my feet, I can feel it shake our apartment.

Something is brewing. But what?

Varendil thinks the world is going to break apart and the evidence points to that. Thrall leaving for Outland. Elementals invading. People disappearing. Aestiah has gone missing, along with her brother. I do hope her daughter is okay, I haven’t seen her either. She’s a strong woman, I know she didn’t join that cult, but still, I worry.

Light, a few nights ago, I fought along side Scourge to defeat some elementals that tried to attack an Argent camp in Zul’Drak. Along side Scourge! I, of course, killed the ghouls after I was done defending the camp, but it still doesn’t make the shock any less. Even the mindless zombies of Northrend fear these things.

Varendil moved our savings to a Scryer’s bank a few nights ago, since Outland is a little safer that Azeroth is at the moment. I don’t know if Varendil remembered I am a member of the Aldor, hopefully my kin will allow me to withdraw from our savings. Our gold is there, our family heirlooms, the tabard of Lissa, the journals of Sal, all the important things we don’t want to loose when this world does break apart.

I don’t know what’s going to happen. For a while, things were going to well. Varendil and I had our little apartment, I had my work with the new buildings in the Plaguelands and all the paperwork that goes along with it. Varendil looked so happy and content just staying in Silvermoon but I wasn’t as happy. Being a housewife isn’t my dream job and it never was, no matter how much I lie to myself. I’ve fought for so many years, I can’t just hang up my quiver and bow that easily. Light, I even took up the job of training Torky in the ways of the Ranger and the Scout just to pass the time. Do you know how hard it is to teach an orcish boy the grace and elegance of the Sin’dorei?

Something big is going to happen soon, we can feel it when the earth shakes and seizes beneath our feet. I’m ready to pick up my bow and quiver to defend my family, Varendil, Saelar, Brux, Torky and my friends, where ever they may be.

Be safe my friends, come home to us soon.

 

Journal 5.22

I have to admit I haven’t been writing lately, this is fault of my own. I’ve been bored lately and my boredom has lead me to be lazy. Even lazier than before. But I’m getting back into the swing of things and enjoying seeing some old friends which I haven’t talked to in a while. I’ve also been enjoying messing with the Seventh.

The Blood Knights are always good entertainment.

I’ve also found a guild I am interested in joining, though I worry about how I would fit in with the group that is…well, there aren’t many of my kind there. It’s a bit..nerve wracking. I’ve always been awkward at talking to other races, and most trolls have accents I can barely understand. It’s hard enough having Orcish as a third language, but damnit! Can’t they speak like everyone else? Argh.

They seem like a good group of people, though. They work toward peace between Horde and Alliance, which is something I can get behind very easily, considering my work with the Argent Dawn, Shattersun Offensive, The Aldor, the Naaru and of course, the Argent Crusade, this should be very easy for me to get in to. I’m still nervous as all hell, though. I don’t remember that last time I talked to an Orc that wasn’t Brux or Torky and don’t get me started on Tauren! I am always afraid my leatherworking and love of a cold glass of milk will offend them! Hopefully I have another chance to talk to them this week, I would love to know more and maybe even convince Varendil to come along. I doubt he will, as he isn’t one to sit around and tell stories, but he’s not doing anything right now but working on the shop and making gold selling materials. He’s been dealing with a few…shady people from what I’ve seen. I do pray he doesn’t get himself into a spot of trouble. Light knows what I would do if he got himself hurt!

Just thinking about it makes me sick.

In other family related news, Saelar and Varendil seem to be getting along a little bit better now, which is a weight off my shoulder. I would love to have a little more family in my life, since all I have left is Varendil.

I miss Sal.

Hate.

I’ve been growing angrier at Varendil these past few days. I don’t even know why, but the urge to punch him has been growing stronger and I can’t figure out why. I wouldn’t want to cause harm to him, I love him beyond words that I can express, but sometimes…ARGH!

We got into a fight over nothing last night. I poked at him, aggravated him and wished he would fight with me. I wanted to scream, yell, cause a scene. I wanted to cry. I did when he left after we made up.  I can’t figure it out!

Maybe it’s this damned holiday. Children’s Week. This didn’t effect me to much last year! We had Lissa, we had a family. Now she’s gone and there is this empty hole that I can’t fill. I can’t replace her but I want to! I need to! I’ve tried working with the kids, I’ve tried potions, magic spells, my body is useless after years of abuse, drinks and potions basically cursed me to become a woman who could never have the one thing she desired. But for a few short months, I had it. I had a daughter, I had a child and even if she wasn’t mine, she was pretty damn close! If she didn’t die…I would have that family. I wouldn’t be snapping at my husband because I KNOW this isn’t his fault, he isn’t the one to blame for my apparent uselessness, but the fact he won’t try…the fact he won’t consider taking in a small child, the fact he’s still too heartbroken to move on. Why does this bug me so? Why does this make me so angry at him? It’s not his fault I can’t have a child, it’s not his fault, it’s not his fault. It’s not anyone’s fault. It’s the way the world wanted it. But when I see orphans, my heart breaks. Why did THEY have children and just die? Just give them up? Why doesn’t the Light grant me my wishes, my desires?

I hate this holiday.

Journal 3.5

It’s been a few weeks since we retired from the Argent. It’s been…fun, I guess. The shop is finally looking like a real shop and our apartment has finally began to feel like a real home.

But something seems off. Something seems…

I don’t know if I like this. I don’t know if I can get used to not fighting.

We’ll see how it goes.

Journal 6.16

Feel much better this morning, now that I had some breakfast from Varendil in bed.

Though, I found out I will have to work on the night of that ball in Silvermoon….

Guess that pretty dress will stay shoved in the closet until the war is over.

Journal 6.15

The past few days have been exhausting for me. With the Argent Crusade demands and the issues of Varendil and Aeryliss, I don’t think I’ve found a moment to rest. The constant fighting between our forces versus the scourge and the constant bickering of Varendil and Aeryliss are driving me mad. I don’t know how much more I can take of this. Always fighting. Never stopping.
It doesn’t help that I have been feeling ill as well these past few days. Maybe it’s the undercooked fish or the lack of sleep and the ever present stress in my life, but there is something my body is demanding I get rid of. And it’s getting rid of it by making me rush to the washroom every morning. My hangovers were never this bad when I was a drunk, I don’t get it! Hopefully a little rest and careful attention from healing hands will let the sickness pass relatively easy. I just pray it’s nothing serious.

Liss has a boyfriend. It’s driving Varendil insane. I wish he would just shut up and let her be happy, even if he isn’t the best guy for her. He doesn’t know how many people said he wasn’t the best for me, does he?

I need to go puke.

Journal 6.8

Tomorrow, we are laying in be all day until we are sore from being lazy. Varendil and I could use a day to sit around and relax and let someone else save the world for the day.

Maybe I just need some time to relax. I’ve hardly slept the past few days with no real explination as to why.  Hopefully a day of pigging out on food from the Inns and just enjoying each other will make me less of a bitch to the people I care about.

I hope.


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